1. Sending you flowers right after the first date with a cute note.
He says: This is a way to show you we had a great time after a first date. Plus, no one sends flowers anymore, so it's honestly a pretty easy way for us to look classy.
We say: On one hand, I love this idea. People don't send flowers often enough and if it were my call, I'd get them basically every day. But that said guys, if you don't know that the date went super well, then you have a "Holy crap, this weirdo I went out with last night who only talked about his love of EDM just sent me flowers. Does he think that date went well?!" situation. It's too must of a crapshoot and we probably won´t want to hear from you ever again.
2. Teasing you about the way you pronounce the word "roof" or "drawer."
He says: This worked in third grade and it works now. Teasing you (in good fun) is a great way to get you to smile and to see just how good your sense of humor is.
We say: I know romantic comedies have told you that teasing someone incessantly is adorable as hell and sometimes it is. But a lot of the time, guys go too far with it and make it seem like they actually don't even like us because it's gone from "cute teasing" to "dude, do you straight up hate me?" way too fast.
3. Surprising you with an expensive vacation one week out.
He says: We've known about this for months and we've already made all our preparations and taken off work. All that's left is to surprise you with these tickets to Hawaii, which can't go wrong because you've wanted to go for so long.
We say: In theory, so romantic! In reality, I needed more notice to take that time off from work and also how long have we known each other because I don't know if I'll be able to like you after five nonstop days spent together, even if it is all expenses paid and in Hawaii.
4. Buying you heart-shaped jewelry.
He says: It's a heart. The ultimate symbol of love. Plus, it's jewelry, a thing women love and we don't really understand why. So what could possibly go wrong when we take a symbol of love and combine it with precious metals you like to wear?
We say: It depends if it's tacky or not. If you got us a piece of gold jewelry at Target, it doesn't really matter if it's in the shape of a heart because all that means is we're going to get a heart-shaped red stain on our beautiful, flawless hands.
5. Fighting someone for you.
He says: If Roadhouse and most other '80s movies have taught us anything, it's that punching someone in the face because they slighted you is the most romantic kind of punch we can throw. It's even more romantic if we go to jail over the whole thing and you have to wait for us.
We say: I've always loved the idea of my boyfriend punching some dickhead in the face for besmirching my honor or something, but in reality, I think it would just make me slightly terrified of him for the rest of my life. Also I don't have time to wait for my boyfriend to get out of jail, even though now that I think about it, it does sound kind of hot. Too confusing! Try to avoid it!
6. Just showing up at your place.
He says: Spontaneity and romance are basically interchangeable. I learned that from romantic comedies.
We say: Oh man I have fantasized about this, but in my fantasies when the guy comes by unexpectedly, I'm looking really amazing and not doing anything in particular and it's not 2 a.m. In reality it would probably be when I look like a nightmare and I'm in the middle of a movie I don't want to stop watching or eating chips I have all over my bed. Do not recommend.
7. Any "date" that somehow involves one or more of his friends.
He says: Turning a date into a hangout with his friends where you're suddenly the third wheel doesn't sound romantic, but what he thinks is romantic is you totally being cool with him dragging a friend along to what was supposed to be a movie date.
We say: Do I like your friends? Ideally, yes! Do I want to be the third wheel you literally know I will be because you just said it with words? Never at all
8. Texting you everything they're thinking.
He says: This basically means we're being open and available and emotionally vulnerable, which we're pretty sure is exactly what you wanted.
We say: If you have thoughts a few times a day, it's super sweet and adorable. But if you text us literally all your thoughts all the time, our phones will explode and we won't even be able to text you to pay for a new one. It's too intense and it makes us nervous because constant contact can move to co-dependence so, so fast.
9. Just showing up at your work.
He says: If you work a retail/customer service job, it's cute to pay you a visit and hopefully make the work day a little better. Plus, we can spend some time chatting.
We say: This is occasionally true, but also when I've had guys do that, I usually just spent the whole time feeling bad I couldn't talk to them more or had to keep talking to them in between customers and was just like, "Just ask me out for a date that isn't at my job."