I love Disney. You can tell by the way I jump at any chance to cover Disney-related stories. I´m a kid at heart, and I´m not ashamed to admit it. I hold the House of Mouse in the highest of regards. But sometimes I watch a Disney movie and I see something that makes me go: "What in the hell, Disney?!" I´ve got questions about almost every single Disney film, and if anyone knows the answer, please, by all means, let me know. And as a treat for everyone, I actually got an answer for a certain question that's been nagging all of us about Aladdin. But you're going to have scroll allll the way down to the bottom to read it. Mwuahaha.
Ready for Bone Picking: Disney edition? Here we go:
1. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:
Q: What do the dwarves do with all the diamonds they mine every day? We know they don't keep them or else they would be rich and not all living in the same damn house.
Q: Did Pinocchio continue to grow up after he became a real boy? Or was he stuck in that age forever?
Q: What were y'all smoking when you made this?
Q: Who thought it was a good idea to have a nightmarish alcohol-induced freakout in the middle of Dumbo? Follow up: who thought it was a good idea to do a live-action remake of Dumbo?!
Q: How dare you?
Q: What would have happened if some other woman fit into that glass slipper before they got all the way to Cinderella's house? And also, if the Prince really cared about finding her, why didn't he go door to door himself instead of letting his father send his lackey?
7. Alice in Wonderland:
Q: Did the Mad Hatter actually have mad hatter disease, which is basically chronic mercury poisoning? That would explain his, um, eccentricities.
8. Peter Pan:
Q: What the hell was up with Tinker Bell?! Homegirl was crazy, right? Also, am I alone when Isay I shipped Tiger Lily and Peter Pan way more than Peter Pan and Wendy?
9. Lady and the Tramp:
Q: Does Disney know that the spaghetti moment between the two dogs has set every date at an Italian restaurant up for failure? Those noodles always break and it's awkward.
10. Sleeping Beauty:
Q: Seriously, why didn't Aurora's parents just invite Maleficent to that party? If she got so pissed over that snub, the king and queen must've already known she was unstable, so just throw her a pity invite next time.
11. One Hundred and One Dalmatians:
Q: How is it that the sweet, gentle Anita came to be friends with that psycho Cruella de Vil? Anita loved dogs; how did she miss that her friend killed dogs so she could make fur coats out of them?!
12. The Sword in the Stone
Q: Who decided that the only parameter to rule an entire country was just to be able to pull a sword out of a stone? What if Arthur was incompetent? Good luck with that, England.
13. The Jungle Book
Q: What happened to Mowgli's parents? Did they just leave their baby in a canoe because they're terrible humans, or did something awful happen?
14. The Aristocats
Q: Didn't Edgar realize that the cats getting Madame Adelaide's fortune after she died essentially meant he would be in charge of the money? They're cats; they can't really do anything with it, and since he was supposed to get the fortune after the cats died, Edgar is basically in charge of finances from the get-go as cats can't physically pay bills.
15. Robin Hood
Q: Why is Robin Hood narrated by a country music singing rooster?
16. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Q: Why didn't Pooh Bear wear pants? You need to regulate your characters' pants requirements, Disney, because you are inconsistent.
17. The Rescuers
Q: Why the boobs, Disney?
18. The Fox and the Hound
Q: Did Widow Tweed honestly think that abandoning Tod in the game preserve made him automatically safe? Surely she didn't believe he'd be protected forever there just because it was supposed to keep out hunters.
19. The Little Mermaid
Q: Why didn't Ariel just write on paper to communicate with Prince Eric? We know she can actually write because she signed her name to Ursula's contract. Just a quick "kiss me in three days or s--t's gonna get real" on a Post-it would've been sufficient.
20. Beauty and the Beast
Q: When the Beast told Belle to go to her ailing father, why didn't she just promise to come back? That didn't seem like an all or nothing situation. If she was falling for the Beast, why not rescue her dad and bring him back to the castle where he can heal and they can all live happily together? That's what happens in the end anyway! But it could've been done without the murderous mob led by Gaston
21. The Lion King
Q: How come Timon and Pumba didn't seem to age, even though Simba clearly got older?
Q: How does Pocahontas speak English if she's never met anyone outside her tribe before?
23. Toy Story
Q: If Buzz Lightyear honestly believed he was a Space Ranger, why did he abide by the rules of toys, like freezing whenever a human was around?
24. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Q: Why were children allowed to see a movie starring a villain who lusted after someone so much, he basically thought she was the devil? That's some next-level s--t that kids should not be experiencing at a young age.
Q: Zeus is leader of the gods. The head honcho. He knows all and sees all. If we forget the fact that someone actually snuck into Mount Olympus to steal Hercules undetected (yeah, right), he almost definitely could have done something to bring his son back after he was kidnapped, right?
Q: Is Christina Aguilera's "Reflection" the most beautifully sad song to come out of a Disney movie? Or is Frozen's "Let It Go" better? Ready. Set. Discuss.
Q: Does anyone really believe that Tarzan's parents are also Anna and Elsa's parents from Frozen?
28. The Emperor's New Groove
Q: Where are Kuzco's parents? Side note: this is one of the most underrated Disney movies ever. Kronk out.
29. Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Q: How did Disney screw up the promotion of Atlantis, which is actually a good movie that deserved so much better?
30. Monsters, Inc.
Q: Where did Boo's parents think she disappeared to? She was gone for at least an entire day.
31. Finding Nemo
Q: How did any of the creatures in the ocean even know what or where the hell Australia was? Geography lessons? Then again, there was a fish school so...we might let this one slide.
32. The Princess and the Frog
Q: Was the fact that Ray became a star a burning ball of gas next to this other star burning ball of gas he loved supposed to be a happy ending for him?
Q: Why was that particular Wall-E the only one that survived? Has anyone considered that he was the one who destroyed the other machines?
Q: Who is Russell's guardian, if not his parents? Who in the hell is taking care of this kid?!
Q: Did Rapunzel honestly never question why she was locked in a tower? She knew there were people living outside her home, so she had to be curious. Which we guess was the whole point of the movie, but we think 18 years is a long-ass time to wait for answers.
36. Wreck-It Ralph
Q: Why didn't Fix-It Felix use his magic hammer to fix Vanellope's glitching?
Q: How did Elsa even get her magical powers? And we never really understood the reasoning behind trapping Anna inside the castle in the first place. Elsa was considered dangerous, but why did Anna have to be punished?
And finally, a burning question about Aladdin that we finally have the answer to:
Q: Does the magic carpet in Aladdin have an actual name besides just Carpet?
A: According to a very inside source (trust us, we know people) who worked on modeling and animation on Aladdin, the magic carpet does have a real name. Sort of. The Disney team had an "internal name" for the character while they worked on the film, and his name was… Ralph.
Do you have Disney questions you need answers to? Let's talk it out in the comments and get to the bottom of stuff.